Heads or Hearts Read online

  There was a wave of tutting and harrumphing, then the public order guardian stood up. She was wearing the standard tweed jacket, but had gone native with a kilt in her clan tartan. Unfortunately the Barclays wear a yellow weave that blinds and nauseates in equal measure.

  ‘Citizen Quint’s involvement in this case has been ordered because it is potentially highly problematic.’

  ‘How do you make that out, Guardian Doris?’

  She did me the honour of ignoring that.

  ‘Not only is the city expanding its international profile, but there must be no threat to the Scotland referendum next spring.’

  Her colleagues nodded, their expressions serious.

  The guardian gave me a glance that did not bode well. ‘Although the senior guardian was made aware of the case from the start, this meeting is the first opportunity I have to brief you in full.’

  Here we go, I thought. When things get tough, guardians keep information to themselves for as long as it takes to build bulwarks around their backsides.

  ‘At eleven forty-five this morning I received a call on my personal mobile from a number that cannot be traced. The voice was muffled and I could not make out any accent, or even if it was male or female.’

  I sat down on the chair that had belatedly been brought for me. I was going to let the guardian talk herself into a hole until I made any comment. That way she’d be desperate for help, and desperate guardians can be useful. Then again, they can also bite your head off.

  ‘The caller said, “Tynecastle, the centre circle, there’s a gift for you. Be discreet. I’m watching.”’

  ‘Is there a recording of the call?’ the recreation guardian asked. Peter Stewart had been a fine athlete in his youth and was popular among citizens because he’d brought football back. His face was unusually pale and his hands were trembling.

  Guardian Doris looked sheepish. ‘I’m afraid not. It was over before I could react. But I sent Guard personnel disguised as ground staff immediately and the heart was found. The medical guardian visited and advised that the organ should be covered until the citizen here saw it. As subsequently happened.’

  ‘One moment,’ said the education guardian, a desiccated man in his fifties who was notorious for nitpicking. ‘As I understand, the citizen didn’t arrive at the football ground until after five p.m. What happened in the intervening period?’

  Now the public order guardian looked bilious. ‘I was in meetings with the senior guardian and the finance guardian,’ she said. ‘We had to make various decisions.’

  ‘What decisions?’ asked the education guardian, barely disguising his anger. ‘An emergency Council meeting should have been called.’

  ‘Calm down, Brian,’ said the finance guardian, giving up on titles. He was wearing a grey suit that had definitely not been made in Edinburgh and a silk version of the black-and-white tie that only Council members are entitled to.

  ‘Don’t take that tone with me, Jack MacLean,’ the education guardian barked.

  ‘Colleagues,’ the senior guardian said. ‘There’s an ordinary citizen present.’

  I wondered how heated the debate would have got if I hadn’t been there. MacLean was the thrusting type who brooked no opposition. He fancied himself as a captain of industry rather than a bureaucrat, which must have been frustrating for him considering how little industry there was in Edinburgh. Coal mines to keep the population warm, farms to feed the citizens and foreigners, tourism’s great rewards – they were all controlled by other directorates. He was just a number-cruncher. Then again, frustration can be a hell of a motivator.

  ‘Initial investigations in certain areas had to be instigated,’ Guardian Doris said, speaking the stilted language her rank has always favoured.

  ‘We checked the infirmary and all the city’s clinics for the donor corpse,’ Sophia put in.

  The public order guardian gave her a grateful look. ‘And the Guard has been put on full alert.’

  ‘Discreetly,’ said Jack MacLean.

  ‘Indeed.’

  ‘And has any such body been located?’ said the education guardian, sticking to his guns.

  ‘No.’

  ‘I still don’t understand why the finance guardian was involved.’

  ‘Brian,’ said the senior guardian, ‘leave it, please. Anything that might affect the city’s income is within Jack’s purview. A human heart in the middle of a football pitch is unlikely to do the city’s image much good, not least since, as of the season that’s about to begin, tourists will be able to attend matches.’ He caught Sophia’s eye. ‘The medical guardian has the floor.’

  She ran through what the pathologists had found, then sat down.

  The senior guardian’s eyes were on me. ‘Well, citizen, you’ve heard the whole story now. What have you to say?’

  I leaned back in the chair and crossed my legs. ‘It’s the biggest cock-up I’ve come across in years, Fergus. The call wasn’t recorded, I wasn’t told about it till now and I wasn’t involved with the case from the start. Plus it’s been decided that potential witnesses aren’t to be located.’

  ‘Discretion, citizen,’ Jack MacLean said.

  ‘Sticking your heads in the sand, more like. So what if the bastard or bastards finds out there were witnesses? Are their hearts going to be cut out too?’

  ‘Anything’s possible,’ said the senior guardian. ‘We’ll have to risk that.’

  ‘Uh-huh. It’s all about the city’s image, eh?’

  ‘Do you have anything positive to contribute?’

  ‘How about this? Are you checking for missing persons? I’ve got several on my books we can start with.’

  The public order guardian grabbed that like a drowning woman. ‘We’ll get on to that with you, citizen.’

  ‘Any reports of unusual activities, particularly in the suburbs?’ I asked.

  ‘There are always plenty of those,’ Guardian Doris said.

  ‘Are you checking any premises where screams were heard or people seen being dragged in unconscious or struggling? I know the gangs do that all the time, but whoever’s behind this could be using gang activity as cover. Or could even be in a gang.’

  There was general shock and horror. Gangs were one of the city’s enduring problems, but they’d never done anything as extreme as this.

  The finance guardian gave me a disparaging look. ‘Gang members are drunk or stoned most of the time. They couldn’t cut a heart out without damaging it, never mind get it to Tynecastle unobserved.’

  I smiled. ‘Who said they were unobserved? And if you think gangs aren’t capable of cutting out people’s internal organs, ask your colleague Doris.’

  ‘There was a wave of that about a year back,’ she confirmed. ‘We caught the citizens involved.’

  ‘Eventually,’ I said. ‘Are they still locked up or have they been given a pat on the head and told to behave themselves?’

  ‘Two are still in the castle dungeons.’

  ‘Good. I’ll be talking to them.’

  ‘Anything you need, citizen?’ the senior guardian asked.

  ‘A mobile phone.’ Only guardians and senior auxiliaries were provided with those. ‘With all your and senior auxiliaries’ numbers pre-loaded.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘A Council authorization giving me authority to question anyone, including guardians, and access to all premises in the city.’

  He didn’t look happy but he nodded.

  ‘I also want City Guard Commander Bell 03, a.k.a. Davie Oliphant, to be seconded to me for the duration of the investigation.’

  Guardian Doris gave that one the nod, though there was a second or two of reluctance.

  ‘One last thing,’ I said, looking at Jack MacLean. ‘You’re in charge of negotiating with representatives from other Scottish states and cities, aren’t you?’

  He looked anxious briefly, then rallied. ‘That’s correct, citizen.’

  ‘I want access to them when they’re in the c
ity if I deem that necessary. Kindly provide me with a full list of scheduled visits.’

  MacLean glanced at Fergus Calder. ‘Very well.’

  ‘Send it to the public order guardian.’ I stood up.

  ‘One moment, citizen,’ the senior guardian said. ‘The authorization we give you does not mean you can operate outside the City Regulations.’

  ‘Of course not,’ I replied dutifully.

  If they believed that, they were fully paid up members of the Loch Ness Monster Is Alive and Well Society. Then again, maybe Nessie had made an appearance in the last three decades. How would we have known?

  THREE

  To my surprise, Davie was still in the 4×4 outside.

  ‘Nothing to keep you busy, guardsman?’

  ‘I knew you’d ask for me to be your sidekick.’

  ‘My sidekick? What do you think this is? A mystery novel?’

  ‘It’s certainly a mystery.’

  ‘That’s true.’ I told him about the call that had been made to his boss.

  ‘I thought there was something going on,’ he grumbled. ‘Hang on, how did they get through to her? Guardians’ numbers are restricted.’

  ‘Good point. What a surprise – there’s someone on the inside.’

  ‘Oh aye,’ he said, turning on to the Canongate. ‘No doubt the heart-taker’s an auxiliary.’

  ‘Could well be.’

  ‘Give it a rest, ya pillock. There are plenty devoted people in the barracks.’

  ‘I know. It only takes a few rotten ones, though.’

  He couldn’t argue with that. We’d uncovered plenty of bent guardians and auxiliaries over the years. Which made me think of someone. Later.

  Davie parked on the esplanade and we walked into the castle between the statues of Bruce and Wallace. It was a surprise they were still there. Brian Cowan, the education guardian, had gone even further than previous education guardians – the first of whom was my mother – in skewering what he regarded as the pernicious myths bedevilling Scottish history. Admittedly, Edinburgh’s children were mainly taught the city’s history but, with the referendum looming, Guardian Brian had initiated a policy to demolish ancient heroes. Wallace was a bandit, Bruce a thief and a murderer, the Stuarts were wasters, James VI and I a misogynist, the Covenanters religious fundamentalists, even the intellectual superstars of the eighteenth-century Enlightenment were bigots (especially those from outside Edinburgh), etc., etc. No one else on the Council seemed bothered by his actions – David Hume was still a hero to many of them – but maybe they were going to vote ‘no’ anyway. It might be that most of them would lose out if Scotland became a nation again.

  ‘Are you with us, Quint?’ Davie said, nudging me harder than was necessary.

  ‘What? Just thinking. What are you going to vote in the referendum?’

  He gave me a questioning look. ‘What business is that of yours?’

  I laughed. ‘None, but I can still be nosy.’

  ‘I suppose you’re a nailed-down no.’

  ‘Actually, I’m not. I haven’t liked a lot of what the Council’s done in the last twenty years, but people have generally benefited.’

  ‘By still being alive and well.’

  The cobblestones were slippery and I grabbed his arm. ‘That was true about the early years. Without independence, the securing of the borders and the wiping out of the drugs gangs, people would have been massacred as happened in plenty of other cities. But austerity went on too long. Weekly sex sessions, thank God they’ve got rid of them. Then again, life-long education was a good thing. Not many people bother now it’s voluntary.’

  ‘Plus there’s the big bad wolf factor.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘We haven’t a clue what’s waiting for us outside the city-line. OK, Glasgow seems to be a functioning democracy.’

  ‘Is a functioning democracy,’ I corrected. ‘The ward representative idea came from there.’

  ‘Aye, but remember the shenanigans their leader got up to in New Oxford.’

  ‘True. We’ll have to wait and see. There’s oil in the north-west and that might change everything.’

  ‘Makes you wonder why they’re interested in our little tourist attraction.’

  ‘The Bangkok of the North. It does make a lot of money.’

  ‘It does, most of it tainted.’ Davie always had a Calvinist streak about him, not that he ever attended church. He was a hard-line guardsman and probably would have been quite happy still on border patrol. Guard commanders don’t get out much.

  We reached the Public Order Directorate command centre in what had been the Great Hall. Guard personnel were looking at screens, hammering away on keyboards and talking into mouthpieces. The equipment was the most high-tech in the city, though it had been in operation for several years. There wasn’t much technical surveillance of citizens. Instead, the twenty guard barracks across Edinburgh kept order in a hands-on fashion despite the recent loosening of regulations.

  ‘Citizen.’

  I turned to find that Guardian Doris had crept up behind me. Davie had gone to lean over an attractive red-haired guardswoman, as was his wont.

  ‘I have your authorization and mobile phone. Perhaps you’d come to my office.’

  ‘The commander’s invited too,’ I said, beckoning to Davie. ‘There’ll be no secrets in this team.’

  She looked dubious, but let it go.

  In her quarters in what was once the Governor’s House, I got my goodies. The rain had started again and the view barely included Princes Street to the north.

  ‘So, citizen, where do we go from here?’ the guardian asked.

  ‘Good question. Have you got your people checking out reports of screaming and the like?’

  ‘Yes. There were several, and squads are on the way to check.’

  ‘Discreetly.’

  Spots of red appeared on her high-boned cheeks. ‘The Council wants to follow the caller’s instruction.’

  ‘Why don’t you tell Davie here about the call?’ I was putting the squeeze on her, always a good idea with guardians.

  Davie took the news with studied nonchalance, but I knew he was pissed off that he hadn’t been told earlier.

  ‘Right,’ I said, ‘I’ll be talking to the gang bosses you’ve got under lock and key.’ I fixed her with an iron stare. ‘They are still under lock and key?’

  ‘Yes, citizen,’ the guardian said wearily.

  ‘Good. Tell me what happened in the Council meeting after I left.’

  ‘I can’t—’

  ‘I’m not interested in the bureaucratic bollocks you people sign off on every day. I’d like to know what was suggested about the symbolism of the heart.’

  ‘How do you know …?’ Guardian Doris broke off and sighed. ‘I suppose it’s obvious. Although not many of us are professors these days, we’re still intellectual enough to debate ideas.’ She went into a daydream.

  ‘Who said what about the heart?’ I prompted.

  She came back to herself with a jerk. ‘Oh, Brian Cowan gave us a lecture about William Wallace’s heart having been burned in London when he was executed and Robert the Bruce’s being taken on a crusade but ending up at Melrose Abbey.’

  ‘Highly evocative,’ I said, ‘but what was his point?’

  ‘I’m not sure. He went on about the people who were hung, drawn and quartered at the Old Tolbooth in Edinburgh too, and how their hearts were usually burned.’

  ‘Everyone in the city and thousands of tourists know about that,’ Davie said. ‘Ever since the replica of the old jail was opened, there have been fake executions and mutilations staged every day.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s disgusting.’

  He had a point, but he’d also made a useful connection. The New Tolbooth was one of the most popular attractions in the city. Was the heart-remover making a reference to it? If so, it was pretty obscure. Or maybe not. The original Old Tolbooth stood on the Royal Mile. When it was demolished in the early nineteenth century, a h
eart-shaped memorial of cobbles was left, traditionally spat on by Edinburgh folk. Sir Walter Scott’s interminable novel The Heart of Midlothian had many scenes set in the prison, while the football club took its name from it. Was it a coincidence that the heart had been left on the centre spot at Tynecastle?

  ‘The medical guardian spoke about the heart as being seen as the centre of the body and the seat of will in many cultures, while Plato said the mind was located in the heart as well as the emotions.’

  ‘I wondered when Plato was going to appear.’

  ‘Whereas the Roman physician Galen saw reason as being located in the brain and the emotions in the heart.’

  ‘There’s also a lot of religious iconography about the sacred heart,’ Davie said, to my astonishment. ‘There was a lecture about it in barracks a few weeks ago,’ he said, by way of explanation. ‘I found it quite interesting.’

  ‘You’re not a closet Christian, are you, commander?’ the guardian said in an attempt at humour.

  ‘No,’ he replied gruffly. ‘Though I could be if I wanted to.’

  He was right. Earlier in the year, auxiliaries had been given the same freedom as ordinary citizens to join religious groups. In a city that had been officially atheist for three decades, very few of its servants did.

  ‘Of course, the heart-remover might just be a psycho and we’re reading too much into the symbolism,’ I said, unconvinced. It’s not exactly an easy organ to extract and care had been taken. Could there really be religious or symbolical dimensions?

  ‘Right,’ I said, changing the subject, ‘what about the call you received? Why do you think you were given warning?’

  Guardian Doris returned my gaze. ‘So that we found the heart quickly.’

  ‘I agree. Why would that be desirable?’

  ‘So there wouldn’t be a delay and—’

  ‘Ordinary citizens wouldn’t come across it,’ interrupted Davie.

  ‘Correct and correct,’ I said. ‘But there still remains the underlying motivation. The perpetrators – I doubt it’s a one-man or woman show – want to make the Council jumpy, but not bring the city and its business to a standstill.’

  The guardian looked at me. ‘I tried to move quicker, but Fergus wouldn’t let me.’